| Clouse | 2006-11-09 04:05:00 |
 Posts: 1077 Topics participated: 649 Topics started: 39 First post: 2006-01-17 16:28:00 Last post: 2009-01-03 03:27:00 |
Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up. 5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss. 11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. 12) Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 10. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00 But, you have the satisfaction of knowing the job was done right... |
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Changing Motor Oil
| AoD | 2006-11-09 05:44:00 |
 Posts: 218 Topics participated: 188 Topics started: 23 First post: 2006-09-07 04:03:00 Last post: 2007-03-23 09:52:00 |
:dunce: LMAO |
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| CeD | 2006-11-09 06:12:00 |
 Posts: 751 Topics participated: 618 Topics started: 22 First post: 2006-01-19 10:55:00 Last post: 2007-06-02 09:17:00 |
lol |
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| EvilMetalHead | 2006-11-09 08:33:00 |
 Posts: 509 Topics participated: 395 Topics started: 43 First post: 2006-09-15 19:17:00 Last post: 2007-10-12 02:21:00 |
Heres how my old man changes the oil: 1.Find son, Bitch him out for 30 minutes and tell him to change the oil. 2.Beer 3.Stand around telling him to hurry up. 4.When he finishes bitch at him more for wasteing your time. |
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| ROCKY | 2006-11-10 02:11:00 |
 Posts: 969 Topics participated: 616 Topics started: 73 First post: 2006-03-12 02:41:00 Last post: 2007-02-14 20:20:00 |
LMAO but the mileage is incorrect for the women. I have done oil changes for my mother-in-law and a few girls my wife works with and they ALL went over 10,000 miles between changes. How their $hit even runs is beyond me. |
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| RoadKruuzer | 2006-11-10 07:18:00 |
 Posts: 717 Topics participated: 592 Topics started: 38 First post: 2005-07-20 12:46:00 Last post: 2007-12-04 22:15:00 |
I can definately relate. My Grand Am has been sitting out front with the alternator just sitting under the hood with a new one in the passenger seat for Lord knows how long. rk |
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| Mosquitocoil | 2006-11-10 07:55:00 |
 Posts: 53 Topics participated: 34 Topics started: 6 First post: 2006-09-01 01:14:00 Last post: 2007-01-11 18:20:00 |
Hahahahaha!!! :horny: The funniest part is I only just changed my oil! LOL! Tell you what, it cost me like $30 in total, and a lot less beer On an unrelated note, Clouse, what kinda guitar is that in your sig? Ibanez? Or a Schecter? I have an Ibanez SZ320, and that shape on yours looks really similar...although mine probably sounds better through my Mesa Recto Lol... |
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| Clouse | 2006-11-10 13:58:00 |
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Posts: 1077 Topics participated: 649 Topics started: 39 First post: 2006-01-17 16:28:00 Last post: 2009-01-03 03:27:00 |
On an unrelated note, Clouse, what kinda guitar is that in your sig? Ibanez? Or a Schecter? I have an Ibanez SZ320, and that shape on yours looks really similar...although mine probably sounds better through my Mesa Recto Lol... Oh no fair... I want a Mesa half stack sooooo bad but I just don't have the greenbacks. And the guitar is a Schecter C-1 FR. It's the same guitar played by Brian Hanner Jr. of Avenged Sevenfold (he's the one in the pic). But to be honest I don't own that Schecter.... YET. I'm starting a job in the next few days that pays far better than anywhere else I've ever worked so I'll be buying some goodies in the not too distant future. :content: Ok back to the original topic. :cheerful: |
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| Sphynx | 2006-11-10 18:10:00 |
 Posts: 167 Topics participated: 135 Topics started: 14 First post: 2005-11-17 23:16:00 Last post: 2007-11-29 10:50:00 |
lol! |
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| gaboonv2 | 2006-11-10 18:47:00 |
 Posts: 326 Topics participated: 279 Topics started: 18 First post: 2006-05-25 21:51:00 Last post: 2007-03-26 13:27:00 |
does not refer to me, but thats only because I work in a Midas Garage and I have a lift . otherwise I would do it on the ground.....LOL |
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